


stainless steel

by dean_and_cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom!Cas, Bullied Castiel, Bullying, Cutting, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Bashing, High School, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Oblivious Castiel/Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slight Drug Use, Top!Cas, Underage Drinking, bottom!Dean, fluffier than it sounds!!, gay!cas, its fluffy i swear!, top!dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:24:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2128359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_and_cas/pseuds/dean_and_cas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is the only person Cas truly loves in life and who loves him back just as much. They are both social outcasts in high school and in their home lives, Cas only has a father who is absent or drunk ever since his mother met an untimely death and Dean is rejected by his family, not living up to their standards and expectations of him. Cas feels he cant express his true feelings toward Dean, the fear of him rejecting him as well is too great.</p><p>It's fluffier than it sounds just get through my angsty shit<br/>I hope you like it and if you get triggered DON'T READ IT</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. running water

**Author's Note:**

> I was highly influenced by Duckie from Pretty in Pink and I quote him multiple times throughout the story. My own experiences also influenced the story line. Please don't hate me for morphing Dean and Cas completely out of their characters on the show.. Te quiero lovelies <3

Cas tasted Dean’s name on his lips as he came onto the shower wall, but soon all the traces of it were going with the hot water running off his naked body. All the evidence that he harvested a deep love and lust for his oldest friend were gone except the heartache and self loathing that always accompanied imagined Dean, naked, bowing his back and moaning Cas’ name between heavy breaths; Cas pounding into his tight heat and finally being able to kiss and touch Dean’s freckled, muscled body as he pleased. Cas placed both hands on the wet wall in front of him and let himself feel the regret of falling deeply in love with someone who could never love him back. He blamed himself for being this way, gay and not being brave enough to show it and risk losing the only person in his life he truly loved.  
Cas eventually got out of the shower, wrapped the brown towel around his hips and stepped out of yellow light and steam. Cas instantly missed the warmth and security of the locked door but continued to his room trying to rub the goosebumps off of his arms. He shut the door behind him and crossed his room to his desk and looked into his wide mirror above the desk.  
Dean always made fun of him, saying he had a vanity in his room, Cas always smiled, punched Dean lightly and said it’s not his fault he was an old Hollywood movie star, “plus you’re the one always wearing eyeliner around so I wouldn’t talk if I was you,” teasing Dean lightly, “oh shut up man, I have dark eyelashes and you know it,” said Dean defensively and Cas laughed at Dean suddenly self conscious about the dark frames of his beautiful green eyes.  
Cas looked into the mirror, but not for his reflection he always came back to the mirror to see the many pictures which framed, they told the story of Cas’ life, from the one of his mother holding his newborn body to one he had taken recently of Dean making a heart with his hands, cocking his head to the side, posing for Cas’ picture. To the one Dean had taken of Cas, laying on top of a picnic table, head tipped over the side so he saw the world upside down exhaling cigarette smoke from his mouth.  
“I hate it when you smoke,” Dean said after he took that picture, Cas shook his head at Dean’s hypocrisy and stated the oblivious reason Dean had no grounds to judge him, “Dean, you smoke.” “You think I don’t know that? I’m just saying that I hate it when you smoke, I don’t hate smoking in general,” Dean took the cigarette out of Cas’ hand and took a long drag from it,blowing the smoke up into the air, away from Cas’ face. “Why just me?” Cas asked now sitting up on the table a little dizzy from all the blood flow to his head. “I don’t know...’cause,” Dean said half heartedly, looking down at his hands. Cas took back the cigarette and took another drag before saying, “I’ll quit when you do,” and looked at Dean with a smirk, “well fuck, I dont hate it that much,” Dean said with a smile.  
Cas continued looking at his pictures and then at himself, his hair was beginning dry into tendrils, “fuck,” Cas said softly, removing the towel from his waist and rubbing it through his hair, if his hair dried weird he would have to deal with it looking terrible until he washed it again. Pushing his black locks around on his head, trying to arrange it in the proper place to dry Cas looked into the mirror and studied his own face.  
His black hair made his skin look pale, his big blue eyes bulged out of his head making him look bug-like, his lips were oversized, like a fish, he looked at his face overall, he liked the way his simple silver nose ring caught the light. At least he had that, Cas thought. Cas usually didn’t like facial piercings on people, but he had to admit he loved his own, he thought it was the only semi-attractive thing about himself. Cas sighed and looked down at his hands, then raised the hands up to his eyes and cried. He did this often when he was alone, he cried for his mother, for Dean and even how self absorbed he felt about it he cried because he never felt good enough looking into the mirror. Cas reached down into the desk drawer and grabbed his razor, against the scarred flesh of his wrists watching the red blood drip onto his naked thigh. As he watched the blood mix with tears he felt the emotional pain drifting so he put the razor to his skin and pulled it across again and again.


	2. another day of higher education

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas regrets relapsing on his cutting but puts on a happy face for Dean. The chapter is more focused on Dean and Cas' platonic relationship and their social status rather than Cas' depression (which will come back later)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has less angst than the last one, it more focuses on Cas and Dean's relationship and the way they feel out of place in their school. You can tell I'm a 80s movies fan in this one, heavily referencing Duckie from pretty in pink in Dean's text and Cas' shirt which was inspired but Stiles shirt that he wore in the 1985 movie Teen Wolf I also throw in a little Kill Bill reference if anyone can catch it (hint: one eyed blond whistling song) I was also inspired by Duckie when choosing Cas' outfit, making it a modern version of Duckie's attire, which will carry on through the story. Hope you enjoy <3

Washing the crusty blood off of his arms the next morning Cas silently cursed himself for relapsing, he felt so weak. He couldn’t resist drawing his own blood instead of getting by with pain like a person would do. Cas never wanted to do this to himself, he didn’t want the people who tortured him all his life to see his pain dashed on his arms in red. Once he was satisfied with the state of his arms he prayed to any and every deity that Dean would not notice the fresh wounds on his arms.  
Cas sighed as he slipped on his favorite pair of black skinny jeans and his black leather combat boots, the man at the army surplus store said that they were the same kind of boots soldiers wore in Vietnam, Cas thought that was pretty kick ass. He pulled on the shirt that Dean had made him for his birthday; he had taken a white V-neck t-shirt, dyed it sunshine yellow and spray painted “life sucks and then you die” on it in black. Dean said it was a reference to some 80s movie called Teen Wolf, Cas didn’t get the reference but he was in love with the shirt. He clipped on black suspenders, placed his black bowler hat and before he put on his round sunglasses he got his favorite pin from the bowl on his desk that held miscellaneous items, it said, “I am the ghost from the haunted house,” Cas pinned it to his upper thigh, grabbed his canvas bag flung it over his shoulder and walked outside to wait for Dean.  
Cas couldn’t help but let his mind wander to the previous night, glancing slightly down at his damaged wrists but pushed it out of his mind and lit his cigarette when Dean rolled up, sticking his head out the window and saying in a cracky, old man voice, “hey little boy, you want some candy?” Cas rolled his eyes and laughed “only if you have suckers,” Cas said smiling, looking into Deans window. “Ohhh yeah I’ll let you lick a lollipop,” Dean said keeping the old man voice and rolling his hips, trying to keep a straight face but cracking at the last word and laughing hysterically at his own joke. Cas scrunched his face up at the terribly distasteful joke but couldn’t help but laugh at Dean, “that’s so gross Dean,” Cas said getting into the car. “Oh come on! That was too easy! You gave it to me!” seeing that Cas had cocked one eyebrow up in a playfully judging way Dean leaned in closer, “it’s called a sense of humor, you should get one, they’re nice,” Cas giggled at the statement and stuck his tongue out at Dean, Dean smiled as he pulled away from Cas’ building.  
Cas’ eyes raked over Dean’s body as they drove, Dean could be sexy without trying. Dean wore his simple black jeans with holes all over them from long term use, his black boots he always wore and a Black Flag t-shirt. Everything he wore looked like it was made for him, the clothes molded to his body to show his sculpted chest and hard legs. It made Cas twitch with yearning to take all of it off and have Dean’s painted black nails run all over his body having the chill of Deans silver rings cool a path along his flesh.  
Cas took another long drag of his cigarette as he finally turned his gaze to the street as Dean broke the comfortable silence, “Have I told you how fabulous you look today? Fabulous darling, simply fabulous,” Dean said in an over-the-top british accent with a smile looking down Cas’ body as Cas did unknowingly a few minutes before. Damn, Dean loved Cas’ wardrobe, how he could express himself with his clothing was foreign to Dean. Dean looked down the smaller man’s body thoroughly appreciating how well shirt he made fit his friend and the way his suspenders accentuated how small, but toned Cas really was. Cas playfully glanced at Dean, “Darling, I know, of course I know. I’m only the best dressed person in our prison,” Cas said said laughingly, using the same british accent as Dean. Dean’s head flopped to the side and looked at Cas, “for real you are,” Dean said and smiled at Cas. Cas blushed, not actually meaning the statement, an agreement out of Dean made his mind flatline. “Keep your eyes on the road,” Cas instructed quietly but smiling wildly, not knowing how to respond to the complement.  
Dean rolled his eyes while pulling up to the rundown building the city called a High School. “Welcome to another day of higher education,” Dean’s voice was dripping with sarcasm as he eyed all the people surrounding the building, looking for the best way to enter without running into people who wanted to kick his ass. Cas handed Dean a cigarette like a silent apology for the douche bags they went to school with Dean took it into his fingers, lit it with with his Zippo lighter and took a long drag. “Well my dearest, Castiel, there is still time to turn around,” Dean said looking at Cas, only half teasing with a smirk on his face. Cas threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped out of the car and asked Dean to join him. Dean pulled himself out of the cab, groaning while he did it. They walked side by side into the school, just like they did everyday. Passing the beloved football players with their dumb blond bombshell girlfriends clinging onto their mates possessively. Dean continuously took long pulls of the cigarette as the throngs glanced at them, the freaks, the people who didn’t fit anywhere.  
Dean stamped out his smoke as he entered the crowded hallway, trying to keep up with Cas’ small body able to weave through the many people. “May I admire you again today?” Dean called from across the hall, as Cas got away from him, “third period!” Cas called back knowing Dean would know where to go, they had been going to the same place ever since freshman year. Dean turned around and walked away from Cas, smiling knowing that he would see Cas that day. Dean walked lazily to his first hour, loudly whistling Twisted Nerve, gently reminding everyone he hated all of them.


	3. home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas doodles and Dean discovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluffy, sorry it took a while to put this one up, i had it written i just had no time to upload

Cas sat in the back of the class, bored out of his mind as he stared down onto the blindingly white, lined paper. He closed his eyes for a minute before he slowly raised his gaze to the overly large, long haired boy in the front of the class, he was flirting with a long haired, pretty, blond girl who he had seen at Dean’s home a couple of times. 

“That’s your brother?” Jessica asked Sam quietly, thinking Cas and Dean wouldn’t be able to hear her across the room. “Yeah, I warned you,” Sam said quietly back, Cas remembered a time where Dean, Cas and Sam were inseparable, and though Sam now despised both of them Cas knew Dean still wanted a relationship with his younger brother. Cas remembered the look on Dean’s face when he heard that, the shame of the person he had become. Cas knew that he always put up a wall of apathy against all the judgment he got from his hometown but never could cover up the sadness he felt when his family looked at him with reject and hatred in their eyes. Cas wrapped his hand around Dean’s arm and squeezed it lightly, looking into his eyes silently telling him that he would always accept him.

Once Cas came back mentally to the classroom he realized he had been doodling, so he placed the pencil down again and finished the three quarter profile of a familiar freckled face. Cas smiled to himself as he added light shading to Dean’s face, accentuating his high cheek bones and strong jaw line, then he started to add the finishing details to the eyes, dark lashes, shining eyes, with light and dark flecks of color around the dark pupil, which he drew blown so there was barely any color surrounding them and lust shown in his eyes. Cas drew Dean’s lips parted slightly, Cas always drew things like this, not exactly porn but basically orgasmic to Cas. Cas looked at his finished drawing and tucked it in the back of his folder so there was no chance of Dean seeing it. The bell rang as Cas placed the pencil behind his ear and hurried to get to the elementary school playground down the street. The school had been abandoned with budget cuts so they used the space for storage and office space. Cas got there after Dean, Dean was already laying in the grass, unlit cigarette behind his ear, looking up at the overcasted sky. Cas walked close to Dean and sat down cross legged at his side. “Hey, lovely,” Dean said without looking up, knowing it was Cas, “hey,” Cas said quietly back, crossing his arms absentmindedly. Dean sat up partially, resting his weight on his forearms and elbows, moving the smoke to his mouth he asked, “how was school? Riveting as always I would assume,” and looked Cas with squinted eyes against the light. Cas just laughed a bit at the question, “How long have you been here?” Cas asked Dean, “I came after first hour,” “Didn’t want to go to math?” “Who in their right mind would voluntarily do that torturous shit?” Dean said smiling, looking at Cas unfold his arms and drop to the soft ground, resting his hands on his chest. Cas looked to the sky when he felt Dean’s hand pulling his hand up for examination, he looked at Dean in panic, the new scratches on his wrists crossing his mind. When Cas looked up at Dean all he saw was Dean holding his graphite smudged fingertips, Dean smiling as he said, “Can I see it?” referring to his new drawing. Cas’ face got instantly red as he thought about the drawing of Dean’s lusting face that Dean wanted to see, “Nope,” Cas said quickly pulling his canvas bag slowly closer to him. Dean smiled widely and grabbed the bag from the ground and started trying to pull it away from Cas, laughing at Cas trying to keep it away from him. Dean gave one last tug before Castiel winced in pain, Dean’s face fell. Cas pulled his arms into him, trying to make his pain not obvious to Dean, but Dean reached out and gingerly moved one of Castiel’s arms so he could see his wrists. Dean moved closer to Cas and held his palm out, asking for permission to see. As he did this Dean looked intensely into Castiel’s eyes with a mix of sadness, confusion, and pain written across his face while Cas gave Dean his wrist. Dean dropped his head looking at the freshly sliced wrist, moving his fingers gently across them as if it would break if he pressed too hard. Dean moved his fingers over the memories and the pain, he moved his fingers over the evidence that Cas would rather turn to a razor than him. When Dean finally looked up to Castiel’s face all he could ask was, “Why?” his eyes red, but he refused to cry. When Dean asked the simple question, holding Cas’ wrists as if they were the thinnest glass, looking into his eyes, the green popping against the red and a glisten of water over them, gathering at his bottom lash line but refusing to spill over. The emotion Cas had felt last night came rushing back to him. Tears pushing silently down his face as he struggled to find the words that explained what he promised Dean he would never do again. Dean pressed his forehead to Cas’ wrists and let the tears come, they bathed the sad red lines that crossed the beautiful, pale expanse of Cas’ arm. Cas gently touched Dean’s strong jaw which drew his gaze back up to Cas’, who had stopped crying. “I’m sorry,” Cas said so quietly, his gaze dropping, yet he continued, he knew Dean was someone who would never judge him. “I was…thinking about...everything and then I looked in the mirror. I saw everything that is wrong with me...this is what makes me feel numb,” Cas explained slowly, gesturing to his wrists. Dean looked at Cas’ face with a curious sadness, “what in the world do you think is wrong with you?” he asked softly, looking down at Cas’ wrists still in his hands, the brown grass they sat on and their bodies, so close they were practically one. Cas took his time responding to Dean’s question, looking at their hands until he raised his eyes to look at Dean’s, “everything,” he said said simply, “I think everything is wrong with me.” Dean’s eyes widened at the response and raised his hands to Cas’ face, “Castiel,” he said softly and lovingly but in a determined voice, “everything I say about you, how wonderful you are, that is all true. I’ve never said anything good about you that I didn’t mean completely.” Dean started to caress the side of Cas’ cheek with his thumb and his tone became softer, “You’re my best friend, my only friend, but that doesn’t matter because if I have you I don’t need anyone else. You’re my happy, you’re my home, Castiel. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you in my life.” Cas pulled Dean into a tight hug and began to cry into his old t-shirt, it smelled like cigarettes, motor oil and something else that could only be described as Dean. It was was the smell of Castiel’s home and he fell in love with it over and over again along with the man it belonged to.


	4. we could use some fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get invited to a party

Dean finally pulled out from the tight hug and wiped the tears quickly from his face before laughing quietly and doing the same to Cas except he took his time with Cas, wiping the tears that crossed Castiel’s face. Tracing his thumb across the high cheek bones and perfect features that made up Cas. Dean smiled as he looked at the other boy, face red with crying as it always gets. Cas saw the smile creep onto Dean’s face, “Shit, it’s my nose, right?” he said with a few tears left in his voice, “It’s always my nose…” Cas said disappointedly, knowing his face’s reaction to tears. “Just a little bit,” Dean said with a smile, “It’s adorable,” Dean’s smile grew bigger until his green eyes locked onto Cas’ red rimmed, sparkling blue eyes and his face fell as he stared deeply into his perfect blue orbs. 

Cas longed to reach out and touch Dean’s face, bring it closer to his own and watch Dean’s organic green eyes dilate in lust for him right before he slipped his eyes closed and closed the gap between them.

Cas bit his lip imagining the scenario and raised his hand an inch to place it gently on Dean’s scruffy face when his phone started to vibrate madly in his bag. Cas closed his eyes and sighed in frustration while Dean laughed a little and rolled his eyes, Cas wondered for a moment what he was thinking about before searching for his phone. “Charlie just texted me,” Cas informed Dean, “She says we should go to this party a friend of her friend is throwing tonight.” Dean tilted his head slightly at the obscurity of the host, shrugged and said, “If you go, I’ll go” Cas shrugged, “It could be fun, I think I could use some fun,” Dean nodded in agreement and fell onto the grass, as he looked up at the sky he said, “yeah me too.” “Okay, lets go,” Cas said softly and joined Dean on the ground.

 

* * *  
Hours later Dean stood in front of his closet trying to decide what to wear, he didn’t want to look like shit. He pulled himself into his black skinny jeans and then checked if he had full range of motion in the constricting fabric. After squats, kicks and trying to bend his knees for longer than he would be willing to admit, he decided they were fine and returned to his closet to find a shirt. He was was debating between a For Blood t-shirt and Misfits t-shirt when his mountain of a brother walked into his room. “Knock much?” Dean asked sarcastically as he crossed the room to his mirror, picking up his eyeliner and began lining his green eyes. 

“Dad wants to know where you’re going,” Sam said flatly, scanning Dean’s body judgingly, the tight pants and rings and eyeliner, the constant sex hair, how was he related to him? He looked at his muscular upper body with a hint of jealousy, Dean never did anything but smoke and bitch about everything. Then silver caught his eye, “When did you get your bellybutton pierced?” Sam asked, shocked, looking at the little silver ring. “Um…a few months ago?” Dean guessed, “Isn't it great?” Dean asked looking down at it and then at Sam’s reflection in the mirror before returning to his eyes. “I’m going to hang out with Cas and Charlie and I’ll probably crash at Cas’ so tell him not to wait up,” Dean said, finally answering his brother’s question. Sam sat on the bed and continued to watch his brother get ready, “You’re always hanging out with Cas,” Sam said, somehow turning a statement into a question, “Nice observation there, Moose,” Dean said avoiding the underlying question. Sam rolled his eyes and walked towards the door, before he left he turned and looked back at Dean, “Actually, I’m kind of jealous of you,” Sam began to smirk while Dean raised an eyebrow in question, “You don't have to wear a condom because you’ve clearly only been with each other.” Dean’s jaw dropped as Sam walked out of the room laughing and was already downstairs by the time Dean managed to mutter, “We’re just friends,” with a hint of detectable sadness in his voice. He looked at the clock and quietly cursed , it was almost time to pick up Cas. 

He wrapped his plaid bondage bent loosely around his hips, pulled his For Blood t-shirt over his head and grabbed his heavy leather jacket, it was painted by Dean’s hippy friend Tony, he had painted on the back a banana wearing a leather jacket flipping everyone off and across the bottom he painted the words “Cheap Sex,” a band that Dean loved. After Tony had finished Dean had added studs to the shoulders and cuffs, then it was done, Dean loved it. He slipped it on and was out the door.

He drove the familiar way to Cas’ apartment. When he got there Cas wasn't on the curb like he normally was so he parked outside the building and pulled out his phone. 

“Hey, you ready? I’m here.” Dean texted Cas.

“Not yet, come up and wait manservant ;)” Cas replied, Dean smiled and pulled himself out of his car and into the building. He was out of breath by the time he reached Cas’ flight, having to run up all the stairs. He walked down the dimly lit hallway until he reached Cas’ door, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the keys that Cas had given him months before, unlocked the door and made his way to Cas’ bedroom. His breath suddenly stopped in his throat when he opened the door to find Cas, shirtless, lacing up his combat boots. Dean’s eyes dilated as he stared at the smaller man’s frame. His hipbones jutted out above the top of his tight, ripped, dark jeans; his muscles leanly defined. “Hey Cas,” Dean said willing his breathing and blood flow to return to normal. “Hey,” Cas said smiling, glancing his way, sitting up from his boots and crossing the room to his closet, pulling on a white wife beater and tucked it into his jeans. Dean couldn’t remove his eyes from the tight fabric stretched across Cas’ perfect body. Cas walked to one of his many drawers and pulled out his black suspenders and clipped them on, Dean tried to focus on anything else other than Cas, his efforts failed and he kept staring at him like a creeper at a strip club. Cas lined his eyes quickly and put on his bowler hat over the back of his perfect, black bed head. After Cas had decided he looked presentable he turned to Dean, “How do I look?” he asked Dean, smiling up at him.

Dean wanted to push Cas up against his wall, pick him up so Cas’ legs wrapped around him and kiss his perfect mouth roughly as Cas’ hands wrapped into his hair, tugging slightly. Dean wanted to kiss down his neck and nip at his collarbone. The pressure he applies with his hungry lips showing Cas just how amazingly hot he looked in his outfit. 

Dean shoved those thoughts down and smiled happily at Cas, “Great, I like it, it has a Clockwork Orange vibe going on.” Cas smiled at the compliment. “Shall we go?” Dean asked gesturing towards the door, Cas nodded as they walked out.


	5. dean isn't straight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas go to a party, Cas decides to get really drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!
> 
> It's pronounced Lore-e-lye

As Dean and Cas pulled up to the party they see a sea of black clad college kids spilling out of the tiny house onto the porch and front yard. As they both got out of the car they smiled at each other hearing the jarring sound of Alien Sex Fiend and walked up to the house. Pushing past a sloppily drunk girl with green dreadlocks and a man, blatantly checking out Cas, in plaid pants they finally got into the house, just to be run down by a familiar red head. “Hey Charlie,” Dean said as he saw her grabbing her attention, “Oh hey guys! I didn’t know if you were coming!” she said over the loud music, hugging them both. Charlie had an abrupt short bob at chin length and was never seen without heavy eye makeup and dark red lipstick, she had on a tight, short black dress which complimented her thin frame. The opaque blackness of her dress only covering thigh to chest, black lace crept up her neck and down her arms, creating a beautiful contrast between milky white skin and shocking black design. “You look amazing!” Cas exclaimed over the heavy sounds of the goth band he’d never heard of, “Thank you,” Charlie said cheekily, twirling the black and red rosary around her neck, “I want you to meet someone,” she said suddenly, pulling them both by the hand. 

She entered a dimly lit room, a few people stood and sat on mismatched couches but this room seemed to be the only place in the house where the noise wasn't overbearing. Charlie sat them down and left the room, saying she would be back, “did you know this was a goth party?” Dean asked Cas, “Well I kind of assumed, it is Charlie,” Cas said, knowing that Charlie not only identified as goth but most of her friends were goth. Dean nodded his head in agreement, thinking he should have anticipated it, “Do you care? You shouldn’t, you look the part tonight,” Cas said smirking at Dean, “No, I don’t care, but I am not goth, I’m punk, there is a big difference,” Dean said explaining to Cas as if he didn’t know. “Goth, punk, subcultures, blah, blah, I don’t care, you look hot,” Cas said with a laugh until he realised what he had said, instantly blushing, he wasn’t even drinking yet and already he had no control of what he said. “Not as hot as you,” Dean said quietly, looking down, Cas’ blush became impossibly brighter at the compliment, “I need a drink,” Cas said, standing up and reaching for a shot of something that was sitting on the table next to them, Charlie walked in as he swallowed it quickly, regretting it after the taste of straight vodka when into his mouth and stomach. “Ew,” Cas said quietly as Charlie pulled in a girl after her, she was shorter than Charlie and had long black hair that reached to about her hip, she had a very beautiful, pale face that had less makeup on than most of the others here, and a small silver ball right under the center of her pouty bottom lip. She wore a extremely tight black jeans that showed off her toned thighs, cuffed to see her combat boots, a beat up Rancid t-shirt, cropped to see her pale, flat stomach and silver belly button ring and around her long neck was a choker lined with spikes, “Rancid, I like you already, chica,” Dean said, looking down at the short girl with superior music taste, eyeing her pale body with eager eyes. “This is my friend, Lorelei,” Charlie said gesturing to the shorter girl and then pointing at Cas and Dean, “this is Dean and Castiel.” Once Charlie was done introducing she muttered something about finding her girlfriend and ran off, “Lorelei, that’s a beautiful name, I’m Dean by the way,” Dean said offering his hand to the girl, she took it, smiling, her smile transformed her face into something even more stunning than before, Dean never wanted to let go of the elegant hand in his. “Nice to meet both of you, I don't really know anyone here, I just moved here,” she said never looking away from Dean. “Oh, did you just transfer to the college?” Dean asked, as he patted the seat next to him on the couch for her gesturing for her to sit with him. She stared at him with a strange look in her big hazel eyes, “Um...no, actually I’m only 17, I’m a senior in high school.” Dean was practically exploding with joy but kept a straight face, “Oh, since you were here I thought you were in college, I’m a senior too,” he said as casually as possible. A look of surprise crossed her face, “Seriously? I was guessing you were already in your second year of college,” Dean smiled at her astonishment, “Yeah, I’ve always looked older than I am.” She smiled, “I’m so glad that I met you, I’m not very good at making people like me went I look like...,” She gestured to herself, “Yeah, I know what you mean, people at school are assholes. Cas and I will keep you company and now that I’ve met you I have a reason to go to school,” Dean flirted, smirking at her, she looked down and smiled.

Cas, sitting next to Dean hearing the entire conversation, was very quietly dying inside and when Dean said that this random girl was his reason for showing up to school Cas had had enough. He stood up and nudged Dean, grabbing the attention of not only Dean but also Lorelei, “I’m going to get very drunk tonight, just letting you know I wont be able to drive,” Cas said matter-of-factly, Dean raised his eyebrow at Cas, knowing it wasn't a good idea but not daring to bring up what was bothering him. Dean could tell that Cas was pissed about something. Cas walked away from the two and grabbed the closest bottle of liquor, “Vodka, gross, whatever, it’s fine,” Cas thought as he took a gulp of it, he cringed but continued drinking the clear liquid as he looked for Charlie. He already had a buzz when he found her, heavily making out with her girlfriend, Charlie’s hand entwined in her pink hair and her mouth kissing and sucking her neck, her girlfriend moaning and whispering her name. Cas stood over the two and took another swig from his new best friend, Vodka, “I need her,” Cas said to the pink haired girl, pointing to Charlie. Charlie looked up at her friend as he took another drink, yeah he really did need her, she reluctantly got off of her horny girlfriend and gave her a kiss goodbye, “I’ll see you in a little bit,” She said tilting her head towards Cas trying to make her understand as Charlie walked away from her the she slumped. “What the fuck is wrong?” Charlie asked, partly concerned, partly pissed off she isn't currently hooking up with her girlfriend, she grabbed the Vodka from him and drank from it herself before Cas was pulling her to the room where Dean and Lorelei were. Cas gestured for her to look in, Dean had his arm around Lorelei and was laughing as Lorelei was talking very passionately to him, her arms gesturing adorably. “Dean and Lorelei are hitting it off!” Charlie said excitedly, as she said it a look of pure rage locked itself to Cas’ face as he took another drink. It took Charlie a second to realize what was going on, “I knew it…,” Charlie said as she smirked and Cas’ glowered. “Look at them. They’re practically fucking,” Charlie tilted her head at Cas, “Well actually, they're pretty far from it, you know what you interrupted a few minutes ago? Yeah, that is practically fucking,” Charlie sulked. “Oh will you get over it? I’m upset okay? I don't know why I’m so upset over a stupid straight boy,” Cas said quietly, taking another shot. Charlie laughed, “Dean is not straight! Really? You think Dean is straight? You’ve been friends how long again?” Cas was astounded by Charlie and whispered, “Dean isn't straight?” Charlie just smiled and shook her head.


	6. i'll explain in the morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is not a good drunk

Cas’ head reeled with alcohol he had just started to really feel and the news Charlie just gave him. “How do you know?” Cas asked, slurring his words ever so slightly, “Oh you mean beside the fact he’s always blatantly checking you out? Well lets see...there was the time that I was using his laptop and one of the top websites viewed was a gay porn site, then that time I was looking for one of his batman comics and found his gay magazine porn stash, oh by the way Dean is really into gay porn, and then that one time he told me he was bi, then I knew,” Charlie said smiling at oblivious Castiel. Cas’ mouth had dropped at the news, “He told you but not me?” Cas said, slightly hurt, “Well you didn’t tell him you were gay so you guys are about square,” she said, looking around as if she was trying to find someone. “Well if he’s bi…I’m going to get him from that man stealing little slut,” Cas said sharply as he took another drink before giving his bottle over to Charlie, “Woah, she’s actually really nice,” Charlie yelled after Cas as he walked into the mob of people, the near empty bottle in her hand. Cas knew it was probably the vast amount of alcohol that gave him courage to do what he was about to do but he pulled his black suspenders down, his white wife beater up and over his head, fixed his suspenders and began to dance to the loud music. 

The crowd danced around him and he barely heard the many wolf-whistles over the loud music and people jumping close to him, before he knew it, a man he thought he saw before was behind him, grinding dirtily on his ass. Cas pushed back onto the man’s clearly stiff dick and said just loud enough to be heard “You don’t waste any time do you,” the man’s lips parted slightly as Cas wrapped his arms around his neck and his clammy hands began touching Cas’ naked chest. The man’s breathing in Cas’ ear began to quicken and his grinding became harder, Cas laughed at the thought that the man might cum in his pants, then having to leave the party because just dancing with Cas’ was too much. Cas’ turned to see his okay face, “Well at least I have you,” Cas said to the man but mostly himself, then he looked into the unknown eyes and kissed him, the man instantly sticking his tongue down Cas’ throat. It was a bad kiss, Cas had better kisses with girls but he didn’t have the heart to break it, this was a man who wanted Cas hopelessly and Cas didn’t want to give up that feeling yet. The man broke the kiss to let Cas continue dancing and him continue grinding on Castiel, Cas was starting to feel like a leg a dog was humping until he closed his eyes and imagined Dean was behind him. The smooth leather of his jacket on his back and the feeling of his stubble on his neck as he kissed him, the rest of the world faded away as he imagined Dean finally wanting him. 

Cas didn’t know that when Charlie saw Cas making out and grinding with a unknown man on the dance floor she had dragged Dean out of the room and explained the situation to a worried Dean. “This is the thing,” Charlie started out slow and then began to talk insanely fast, “Cas got upset that you were flirting with Lorelei because he’s always liked you but he thought you were straight so he didn’t tell you he was gay because he thought that maybe you would reject him, like his father you know? So when he saw you with Lorelei he freaked out, got insanely drunk, cock blocked me, ripped off his shirt, now he’s dancing with the biggest creep on planet earth.” Dean’s eyes were wide at the information a now gasping Charlie had just given him. “I thought Cas was straight...that’s why I was even trying with Lorelei...I thought he would never like me,” Charlie made a frustrated noise, “You have no gaydar! Cas is about the most flamboyant gay guy I’ve ever met! You’re dumb! Now go fix this instead of talking about it, you fucking asshat!” Dean looked down at the angry thin ginger girl he had come to love like a sister, and instead of answering her he ran onto the mob of people, trying to find Cas. When he found him he was pushed up against a man at least five years older than them, the man was grinding against Cas, Dean was filled with rage when he walked up to the man and whispered through his clenched teeth, “Get away from him and I won’t kill you,” the man eyed him, and quickly stepped away. The way his pants tented as he stepped away from Cas gave Dean the urge to knock his teeth in, feel his bones break under his hands until he got it through his thick skull that even thinking of Cas again would kill him. Cas looked up at Dean with a curious look on his face, “Why are you here? Where’s your pretty little girlfriend?” Cas asked, terribly slurring his words as he stumbled towards Dean, tripping over himself in the process. “Dammit Cas,” Dean said as he picked Cas up, “You can’t even walk.” Dean walked out of the party with Cas in his arms, Cas laying there limp, Dean struggling to carry his dead weight. Once at Dean’s car Dean lowered Cas down slowly to see if Cas was planning on standing, once he was standing Dean opened the car door and sat Cas inside, clicking his seat beat for him, he started the car and Cas started again to show signs of life, “Why do you care? Why do you care about me? I’m nothing,” Cas said, starting to cry. Dean knew that Cas was a sad drunk but Dean sensed that this, however amplified by alcohol, was Cas’ real self image. “Castiel, you're everything,” Dean said honestly to his hysterical passenger, “Then why don’t you love me?” Cas cried at Dean, “I do,” Dean replied, “No, not like friend love like,” Cas stopped his sentence to let out a little sob, “like I love you.” Although Dean already knew from Charlie’s story but coming from Cas made it seem more real, like he actually had a chance with the boy he had loved since he met him. “I do love you, I’ve always have wanted to be more than friends with you,” Dean tried to explain to Cas who suddenly stopped crying and looked at Dean, “Really?” Cas asked, Dean didn't know how he managed to slur a one word sentence but it snapped him back into reality that Cas was very drunk and he had to focus on making sure he doesn’t die rather on confessing his love. “Yup, I’ll explain in the morning.”


End file.
